Aaaand we're off...

Week 1 went pretty good. Weigh in last night showed a LOSS of 2 1/2 pounds. So, yeah, I'm pleased. I had a good week of tracking and being more aware of portion sizes. Now I just need to keep my mindset positive...I've gotta cheer myself on each step of the way...I've gotta learn to count on myself to get the job done...I've gotta rely on me...I've gotta learn to be proud of myself...I've gotta believe in me...I've gotta pat myself on the back for each little accomplishment...I've gotta depend on me.

All Aboard!

First of all:  T G I F  (I don't know about you, but I thought it'd never get here! *ha*) It been one of "those" weeks for some reason...nothing I can put my finger on exactly, just one of "those" weeks.

I am madly perusing the web (okay, mainly Pinterest....sigh) for recipes. I love looking for recipes to get ideas, but I tend to just tweak old ones. Then I get stuck in a food rut. So, I'm trying to broaden my horizons a little bit, trying new things, etc. I mean, I did go out and buy a butternut squash after all...now just gotta make myself fix it somehow :)

For some reason I'm really in to searching for dessert options right now. I have quite a few go-to dinner recipes, but my sweet tooth needs to be attended to so that I don't secretly go out and purchase a king-sized candy bar, madly devouring it in the seclusion of my car plotting how to hide the wrapper. Wonder if they have ever considered making those edible, too?

I digress...

I've done very well sticking to plan so far. Yes, I realize it's only been a couple of days. But dagnabit I'm determined to do my best.

Saw this today and thought how fitting it is for me at this point in time.

My next step is to set up mini goals...and mini rewards. :)

Changing Trains

Pityville:  population 1 0

Somewhere along this long journey I changed trains and ended up in Pityville. Well, I'm back to say that I took that hard proverbial first step off the platform and have boarded the train back to ME!

I beat myself up for way too long and wallowed in my own bitterness/disappointment. I hate feeling sorry for myself. I hate feeling guilty and second guessing all the time. Yet, it's so easy to do. I have a hard time fighting for myself and for what I want. I have a hard time believing in myself. I have a hard time believing that I deserve good/better things.

While in Pityville I allowed myself to fall into what is easy and familiar. And not in a good way.

But no more! (Note:  not to say there won't be bad, sad, disappointing, whiny days...I'm sure there will be. However, I do not want to seek the weird comfort of them. I'm sure that doesn't make sense to you, but I have allowed guilt and unbelief rule me for many, many painful years.) I need a cheerleader. (A shout-out to Beth Ayers for volunteering for this position.)

So I took the step last night of going back to Weight Watchers. Stepping back on that scale was scary & difficult, yet I did it with determination & confidence. And I was so thankful for an "old" friend (the cheerleader mentioned above) who was there and informed me that I was the reason/inspiration for her sticking with program. (She said she'd watched me drop the pounds and it gave her the confidence to do it, too.) Well, Beth, I appreciate you being in MY corner now, cheering me on...no matter how slow, victory is going to be mine!

I have a way to go to even get back to where I left off, but at least I'm not where I first began. I will accept each little step along the way, but no looking back. Even if I stumble or take a step backward, I want to be determined to continue forward in my journey. I do not want to look so far ahead that I lose sight of each little step before me. Mini-goals are my focus. I do not want to let any stumbles or setbacks to rule my life. I want to be determined each step of the way.

Excuses are like ________.

One of my pet peeves is when I offer advice or suggestions to people (one in particular comes to mind, but I shall not reveal their name) and each suggestion is met with resistance and a "reason" why this or that won't work. Yeah, well, I woke up this morning contemplating this whole weight loss situation and realized I was just like this unnamed person - making excuses like no other! It was like a slap in the face...and who likes waking up to that!?

I've been so snide at others success. Snide in that I'm just jealous. But why should I be? I mean they (again, one particular person comes to mind...different from the first person) have worked their tail off getting to where they are. Why shouldn't I be happy for them? I'm jealous because they kept on going and I basically gave up on myself. I got too comfortable, fear took over maybe, and laziness set in.

I would love to kick laziness right out the door and invite determination back in. I'm tired of making excuses. I'm tired of letting my emotions rule the roost all the time. I'm tired of feeling undeserving and unimportant. I'm tired of being tired.

So, it's time to do a little house cleaning. (Both figurative and literal - ha.) But I also need a cheering section. I realize some people don't, but I'm not one of them. Can I count on you to help cheer me along...again? Help push along, remind me that I am worthy of this.

Good News / Bad News

Good News:
     * Went back to WW last night. (It'd been a month since I'd last been to a meeting.)
     * Stepped on the scale -- the gain wasn't as horrible as I was expecting.

Bad News:
     * There was a gain. Definitely a gain.

Good News:
     * In the past 24 hours I've done a good job of tracking.
     * Even though I attempted to talk myself out of getting up and exercising this morning, I did it anyway. (go me)


I am determined to get this weight loss ball rolling again. I've gotten too "comfortable" where I'm at right now. Yes, I have lost x-amount of weight so far. Yes, I feel proud of that accomplishment. Yes, I think I'm looking pretty good (for the most part.) However, I still have x-amount of weight to go to reach my goal. I want to feel good, too, as well as look better. I'm not really so focused on a certain number (other than my goal weight), or a certain clothing size. I just want to look and feel happy and healthy.

So, onward we go!

It's a Whole New Year...

...and I can do this. Right?

I've been such a slacker. Talkin' the talk, but not walkin' the walk. So, I'm pulling up my big girl panties (literally) and ready to nip this in the bud. (Is it bud or butt? Either way, I'm ready to nip.) However, like I mentioned in my FB status this morning:  let's not take the polar-bear-plunge approach. *ha* I'm more of a wiggle my toes in the water first type of girl.

I've come waaaaay to far to settle or to accept anything less.

Here's my plan for these first few baby steps:

1) Track, track, track...to the best of my abilities.

2) Plan, plan, plan...so that I can track, track, track better.

3) Go back to WW meetings! I've missed going the past few weeks -- let the "busy" get in the way of taking care of me...and I'm very aware that the scale is gonna reflect how much.

Once again, I'm calling on you to please continue to push me, to encourage me, to be honest with me, to challenge me. Can I count on you?

THUR 11/8

Happy Thursday, people! Is it just me or has this been a roller coaster week for you too? I don't know about you, but I'm plum ecstatic that tomorrow is Friday. I'm planning for a regular uneventful weekend...no more drama, no mud slinging, no nothing...just the usual housework, laundry, cooking, planting my butt on the couch and taking a nap if I want to type of weekend.

Went to WW last night and stepped on the scale to find that those same two pounds I've been playing with since the first of August (literally) were back. It's time to say "buh-bye" to them for good! (Can I get an amen?) I've got to get off my laurels and get serious about this. I've gotten lazy, but enough is enough. I AM WORTH THIS! No one ever said this journey would be easy or that there wouldn't be bumps along the way. And I have nobody or anything to blame but myself. I have to take back the control and pull up my big girl panties and get this done. I've come too far to stay at this spot, or, heaven forbid, go back! Perish the thought!!!

When I started this journey a year ago, I knew that I was an emotional eater. Any and every emotion imaginable caused me to focus on food. Food was my security blanket -- actually, it still is. I've just learned to channel it differently. However, I have since come to realize that I am more of a stress eater. I let things bother me sometimes that shouldn't, and I let things that should bother me build up to the point of physical symptoms. I also realize that I've had stress all along (who doesn't, right?), but by starting this blog back in January I was able to either vent frustrations (diet, life, etc.) or just write things that had nothing to do with the stress I was experiencing at that time, taking the focus off of it and allowing my mind to clear.

I have always had a problem with self confidence. And I've been pretty good at masking it with humor most of my life. However, that humor then turned into sarcasm, anger, resentment, etc. It was a nasty, nasty path I was on. But I chose to get off that path of self-destruction and focus on me and why I'm worthy. Please understand that stupid little voice of doubt still tries to impair me and, sadly enough, sometimes I listen. So that's where I ask for YOU to help me once again. You have all been so encouraging and helpful with your thoughts, ideas, etc.

And I want to encourage each of you as well. Most of you have listened to my whining and drama all my life! *LOL* I've found that one of my strengths is listening to others. I may not always have advice or know what to say, but I have good ears, strong shoulders, and arms to hug.

God bless you! (And thanks once again for listening to me.) Now go out there today, one foot in front of the other (baby steps, of course) and made someone smile today. :)